hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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