why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
