i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
