Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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