don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
