Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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