my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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