man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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