just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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