i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
