chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
