The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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