Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
