my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
