Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
