I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
