I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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