I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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