before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
