Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
