I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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