I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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