I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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