had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
