actually, I'm a sock model
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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