Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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