ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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