Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
