So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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