Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
