stop calling my apartment porn island.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize