How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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