have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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