My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
