hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
