I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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