just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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