Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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