I think im going to throw up on grandma
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
