She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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