I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
