Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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