I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
