I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
