Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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