she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
