Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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