my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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