One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
