I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
