Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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