my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
