I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
this boner is exhausting
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
