and i looked up. we had an audience...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
