He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
