I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Randomize
