Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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