I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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