You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
