All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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