Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
