The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize